My thoughts…Death
has always been on my mind. It never leaves me. Being a born Muslim I didn't realise my faith, and only reverted once I began to think and contemplate death
more closely. I became so worried about death I would weep at night, and not
allow myself to fall asleep in fear, that if I were not to wake from slumber
how would I face my Lord? My chest would feel tight with anxiety till I would
feel I couldn’t breathe as the fear of not being able to face my Lord took
hold. Alhamdulillah that was my first step and by His Grace He swt guided me
Alhamdulillah. Death I hold onto as closely as my life, to remind me, to help
me stay on the path, so that I can have hope that there is something better
inshaa’Allah.
As my own death is always never far from my thoughts, the death of loved ones has always left its mark. These are those that seem to have remained a part of me, who left me valuable lessons. This is a short piece about one such individual.
Aunty Shanaz a great loss to all; family and community. Aunty was amazing and a real inspiration Mashaa’Allah. Never stepped out without her beautiful smile, and never spoke a word unless it was sincere advice Alhamdulillah. She was not just an aunty she was a friend, a mentor the one who always gave strength and courage in hard times and rejoiced in times of happiness. She was always one of the first to help another in need, and always looking for the best in her own and in others.
She personally would always take an interest in the lives of others. Not like the prying or nosey aunty that we can sometimes have the joy of meeting, she had a genuine interest in health, wellbeing and life in general. On occasion she would see me pass by and always invite me in. She would not only give me advice, she would listen to what I had to say without judging me, tell me off if need be, and would never let me leave her house without giving me something; be it a Dua for my soul, an advice for my life or food for my stomach.
I realized that she had a special quality; always a want to attain good in this world but also Inshaa’Allah attain good in her Aakhirah.
Aunty was a true fighter mashaa’Allah. She never allowed her ill health to get in the way of her doing the work of Allah. She had suffered with liver problems, had survived a liver transplant but after years of her doing so well, she slowly started to become very ill. As time passed we noticed the drastic change as she struggled, and after spending much time in and out of hospital the doctors finally realised that her new liver was not functioning properly. She worsened and soon enough the biggest fear came true. She became so ill that another transplant was not an option anymore. We were told that ‘it’s just a matter of time’ and in plain English it meant ‘watch your loved one die’.
My thoughts…It’s hard to digest at the time. They are there in front of you, talking, laughing, crying, joking, and in your heart and your mind your still in denial but as the months turn to weeks and slowly you witness them deteriorate, it begins to sink in. You become fearful that it could be today. Your life all of a sudden goes on pause. They get an infection or feel a little under the weather and every time you think, this maybe it? This maybe the last time, they may not make it, and then a little hope comes your way and they become a little better but life becomes very much ‘life on the edge of your seat’. I think this not knowing is a reminder that nothing really is in our hands. We have no control and no power and ultimately He swt gives and He also takes away.
In the time of leading up to her death even then she did not forget to remember all those around her. A couple of weeks before her death she requested that I visit her in hospital and sent for me. As I sat with her on her bed she held my hand and pulled me close, kissed my forehead and made a long supplication for my life and happiness in this world and the next. We both sat and wept silent tears together for a period of time. Even though she was extremely sick and facing death she reminded us that Allah is close and hears the Dua of those that are sick.
My thoughts…I've always been one of those that as soon as I hear of someone’s sickness or ill health I feel I have to rush to their bedside as I remember this hadith. Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: "A caller from heaven calls out to the person who visits a sick person, 'you are good and your path is good. May you enter your residence in Paradise'.” I suppose I visit so I too can benefit. This hadith always comes to mind "When you visit a sick person, ask him to pray for you. Indeed, the prayer of a sick person is like the prayer of angels."
As I sat beside her on the edge of her bed she talked about how her life was only in the hands of Allah despite what the doctors had said, and it will be He who takes her soul when He is ready. She asked me not to worry nor grieve and that it was Qadr of Allah.
When the doctors announced that she may not see another day I went again to her bedside. I have never seen a room so full of people supplicating and reciting Qur’an. This was the first time that I witnessed another in the throes of death. I went to her side and she acknowledged that I was there. I read the Shahadah to her over and over, and as I held her hand I felt the pain she was in resonate through my body. A reminder for me that even our beloved Prophet (SAW) in the throes of death was in pain. “Every soul shall taste death” is what Allah swt tells us in the Qur’an and I sat there and asked is this that taste?
Breathing had become difficult as she struggled. Her long hollowed gasps felt like waves crashing. Her face naturally turned to the right. Within an hour she had lost consciousness and a few hours later with all her family and loved ones beside her, her soul returned to Allah.
She departed this world in the early hours at the time of Tahajjud. Being Christmas Eve there was worry that the funeral arrangements may be difficult. However with family and community coming and working together, within hours her funeral had been arranged and paperwork finalised Alhamdulillah. This reminded me so greatly of the importance of knowing what to do at the time of death and the procedures and law of this country. If it had not been for the knowledge and hard work of the family and community it may have been several days before the funeral would have taken place.
Aunt Shanaz was washed and shrouded within an hour and she glowed with so much Noor. As I helped lower her into her coffin I prayed that when I die I too have noble, honourable women around me to take due care and pay attention to detail. A reminder of how important it is to have knowledge of washing and shrouding the deceased.
SubhanAllah the masjid was full in its hundreds despite it being bitterly cold with snow covering all the ground. So many hands that day were raised in supplication for her and the Ummah. Finally as I covered her radiating smiling face and tied the last tie of her shroud I prayed to Allah that we all have a dignified death.
My thoughts.. Its times like these when witnessing and experiencing unity that I feel so proud that I’m a Muslim. It is also times like these that I feel it is so important that we educate ourselves in funeral rites so we can ensure that our sisters or brothers are given their full rites. I also pray to Allah swt that we have enough time to make sincere tawbah, have enough time to seek forgiveness not only for others but from others also. That we have enough time to make Dua for our loved ones left behind and those that have already left before us. That from death to burial there is haste and that on the day of our janazah there are many to supplicate for us. I pray that we too are remembered for the good marks we left behind. Finally I pray that we leave enough Sadaqah Jaariyah behind that benefit us in our hereafter. Ameen.
originally written © Aisha Mirza Jan 2011
