She stared at her sleeping. Slow measured breaths. The rise and fall of the blanket she had wrapped around her, neatly tucking it under her chin. She lay beside her cradling her like she was her newborn. "I wish I could have you in my belly again and start all over" she whispered, as warm tears silently streamed down her tired face."I wish I could spend more time reminding you how much I love you." Her melancholic thoughts tapered to a slow pace, trying to hold time as it slipped away.
"I wish I could create cherished memories, rather than have moments of just things we have done." Her voice shuddered to a halt. Her emotions swept through her like a cold breeze making her body tremble, while suppressing the agonizing cry that welled inside of her. Choking on crushed pieces of broken promises she buried her face into the blanket and let out the muffled pain. Sobs of deficiency coupled with depleted means made her feel inadequate as a mother and inept as a father too.
Years had passed and life had been a series of lists. There was always something else to be done first.
"Wait I will listen in a minute!", "hold on a second I'm in the middle of something!" and "we can do it tomorrow!" were the words that spurted out before her vision raised to acknowledge her daughters tender pleading eyes.
Seconds turned to hours and minutes turned to days. Tomorrow as they say will never come and meanwhile she was growing up, learning, absorbing. No longer her baby daughter but a young girl already denied a father but void of her love too.
A mother, who loves her daughter so very much, who regrets every moment lost.
© Aisha Mirza 2014
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